Cant things be justified merely by their existence?

Lets take a hypothetical thing or a situation that exists because of itself.

Let me try to give you an example. If suppose I was in an office meeting and I suddenly asked the person next to me (it did not happen but I some day dream to)-

“Do you think a penguin can hold a stapler considering the stock options or washing machines?”

It would be like social experiment.

There is no reason for me to say such a thing. It would be an attempt to push the social conventions a little. If I was asked for a justification, I would simply argue that I said it because I said it. Is this argument acceptable as a default in our society? Social conventions and randomness have a very interesting relation.

Trying to trace back the cause of what I said would eventually lead to itself thereby dooming us in an ever going loop. On the logical level, to interpret its graphical representation (made in paint during office hours) would not require a lot of thought.

Think off-beat

De-attachment to the broken pen cap.

It happened. I broke my pen cap.

Just another example of impermanence of anything physical.

I just floated through the entire experience without any control of my movements. I observed it from a point completely dis-associated from my physical hands.

But there was a fraction of seconds when the pen cap was broken and not broken at the same time.

I notices that there was a single unit of time when the pen cap was transformed into a contaminated piece of plastic. If we freeze frame time at exactly the mid- point of this transformation, we might discover the secrets of life and death.

This moment is the truth creator. The sourceless vacumn of creation.

I am completely de-attached to the pen cap.

For long term interest of the shareholders, we should buy a coloured printer

Using only black and white printout constrains my capability of self expression.

Life in office would be so much more eventful if we had access to coloured printer.I generally have to take printouts of excel sheets.

Without colour, importance of matter in each cel of the excel sheets is at a common platform and there is very little we can do if we want the reader to discriminate, as in give more importance to a certain area of the printout.

I could use to the colour printout to manipulate people on a sub conscious level. I would use lots of red to scare people of. Dark blue to sooth them. Pink to subtly mock them. If I don't like someone, I would use brown or light yellow (which might be a little difficult to read).

To de-highlight something- I would use black,

Printout reader: You have not mentioned the disadvantages of the project.
Me: I have. Itz written right on the top, in black fonts.

Contrasting colours would also communicate my emotions. Think about all you can do with colourful number. Get things moving. Motivate people.

For long term interest of the shareholders of our company, we should buy a coloured printer.

Microsoft excel tips (not for beginners)

Finally I have decided to make my blog useful. Here are some useful Microsoft excel tips.

How can we link a cel to an already related cel, without creating a circular loop using vlookup?

Well, please don't put a lot of thought into this. It cannot be done. Attempting to do this is like challenging simple laws of the mathematics like addition and subtraction. Thats why we need unconventional method.

Type "857UY_" in the first cel and click F9. Using a USB port, connect your PC to a washing machine and press the start button in the washing machine. Wait for a few seconds. If you feel like staring at any cel (in the excel sheet), do not resist. And remeber, never press Alt+F+C.

Alternatively, try jumping off the window. It may not work, but there is no harm in trying.

If nothing works, try my backup plan. I give you three words. "Om Namah Shivay". Keep repeating this till you see a white light. Do not let go of it. You can direct all your excel related questions to it.

Enough of this non- sense, now I will tell you something on a serious note. Excel can teach us lessons of life.

If you reduce the font size, it does not reduce the file size.

Long live microsoft excel!!!

How much should I recline on my chair to maximize productivity?

How much should I recline on my chair to maximize productivity?

I adjust it from time to time to suit my motivational level. It was before a month when I also realized I could adjust its distance from the ground.

I can run a maxima and minima test using calculus based derivatives to arrive at the ideal angle. Instead I use trial and error method.

Many physiological and seasonal factors derive my dynamic and ever changing relation with my chair. I sometimes give more importance to my relative angular elevation of my eyes to the PC than the comfortable placement of my hands so that it can move freely between the mouse and keyboard.

I feel like the master of the chair. With great power comes great responsibility. So I try not to be too comfortable.

No matter what I do my angle of recline will always be a supplementary angle (that is it adds up to 180*) to its adjacent angle. I guess complaining about universal and all pervading laws of physics is extreme pessimism.

Although I have full sympathies for people who are currently sitting on an ordinary chair, I feel blessed that Irevna gives me the flexibility.

I sit on the chair, looking back at what lead me to my seat. I feel the power. I feel the opportunities in different styles I can adjust the chair.

But unfortunately I also believe in destiny. That’s me surrendering.

I found a key, but I dunno what it opens.

What would you do with a key which doesn’t open anything you can think of?

I found it in a box. Its one of those boxes where I keep things, I am not sure what to do with. Although I never use them, I never find a heart to throw them away.

I guess everyone has such a box.

The key is a long one. It looks like it opens something more concrete than those loose locks that can be thrown. It surely opens something that is attached to the wall like an cupboard or something.

Some people collect such keys. All the keys would be stacked together somewhere, along with the extra keys (duplicate of a key they are actively using), which they refer to in case they are not able to open something. I think it makes them feel like they have the situation under control at any point.

Anyway, this is my first encounter with an unknown key. The decision I take would be crucial as it will determine my future decisions regarding keys.

As of now, writing a blog on it did not help.

Where do all my pens go?

Whatever happens to all my pens.

I am buying pen for the last 20 years but I still don't have a pen.

I take a pen every week from office stationary. I don't know what it feels like when one runs out of ink while writing a pen. I have never experienced it.

I have lost so many pens itz not funny. Where do all of them go? They must be somewhere.

If you think about it, my question in itself is faulty. If I knew where they go, I wouldn't have really lost it.

I guess these are things I will never know, by definition. Just like we would never know if the refrigerator's light really closes when we close its door.

I am not good at tearing papers in a straight line

Where do you record pieces of information which you need only for a few minutes?

There are times in office when I have to quickly write down some information like phone numbers, a figure, a name etc. Mostly the information's utility lasts for maximum an hour before we can move on with our normal lives.

For this, I tear pieces of papers from the back of my reletively empty note pad in an extremely disturbing manner. Its very embarrasing, specially if someone is watching. I have realised- I am just not gifted in tearing papers straight.

I also have a stick-on but I use it very sparingly. Before writing anything on it, I mentally calculate whether the piece of information is worth wasting a stick-on paper. I generally end up not using it.

My office life would be much easier, if I could tear papers in a straight line.

My life needs a footnote

I have a problem- I forget to catch myself think what I think.

Sometimes, when the "evening shadows deapen", I ask myself some fundamental questions. How has any of those hundred billion thoughts I had through out the day made any difference to me or this planet in the long or short run?

I have spent 20 years of my life without a footnote.

Thats where my thoughts came in. I had had it with my inattentive thoughts. I typed in bold letters using impact font and took the print.

I hung what was not just a piece of paper but my sole source of light showing me the first step to the path leading to as some Tibetans would like to call it Tao and hung it on the board next to my computer.

"Be aware of your thoughts"

I wonder what I was thinking.

Who gives a fish about colours?

You can tell an artist by his eyes, or his excel sheets.

Some people will highlight in their excel sheets with the most ugly colours possible. If you vomit on those sheets, it would probably look neater. I understand. I am sure they have real things to worry about.

Are good presentations only for sheets without contents?

I had a business plan to sell new Power Point Presentation templates online. But then I thought again. Who gives a fish? I wouldn't buy it myself.

Appearantly black and white are not as much respected as colours. Its very rude of us. Why are black fonts so universally excepted professional font colour? Black colour fonts are only best for people who cannot see.

Once, an old lady at shop where colour TV was sold said-
"Red colour please!"

The monkey at my office

A marketing guy and a finance guy can never have lunch together.

I realised that while doing my summers in a very well known company (Company's name purposely kept anonymous). The finance guys did not feel that respected. So one fine day they decided to do credit rating of their distributors. The Marketing guys thought the questionnaire was silly, abruptly irrelevant and too personal. They resisted. They did not consider that those finance guys just wanted to feel like a part of what was going on.

Personally, I couldn't care less. I had more serious things to worry about.

As I wrote to my friends describing my summers on 2008,

"I still cant figure out whom to report to. No1 pays attention to me. My project guide does not recognise me (he occasionally calls me by the name of Sarvesh). I think my project is over but I am not too sure. I generally hide in the library from The HR Manager. They have blocked orkut. The caretaker refuses to serve me coffee. The security guard (He is from SDB Cisco) refuses to share his pen for writing on the attendance register. I think someone tried to throw a magazine at me. They all hate me.

And yes, a monkey drank from the leftovers of my coffee (it did happen!!!) "

Blunt pencil

Is using pencils in office professional?

When I have the requirement of writing something, I reach out to the closest writable object I can find. (Just like I would keep a cd in the closest cd cover I find, and not the cd cover belonging to that particular cd). I am currently using a pencil. A blunt pencil (which is also not all that comfortable as blunt pencils make more noise while writing and each line is fatter than usual.)

What am I afraid of? Not that I am signing cheques with the pencil.

"Ewww, I repeat – ‘Welcome to 21st century!’"
Nidhi seemed quite concerned about the brand of the pencil. I always thought Nataraj was not one of those super looserish brand.

In two years of MBA, Agnes always carried two pens. She is comfortable with using pencils in office. Her only objectiong is something I had not really anticipated for.

Sharpening pencils in Irevna would be highly unprofessional.

An apple and professionalism

Initially The Beatles started a company called Apple Corps. (which obviously closed down extremely quickly as their ideas had no financial backing whatsoever). It is said, an apple a day also keeps doctors away (if aimed right). Apples are also declared by Christian Popes as the forbidden fruit. Even Hindus believe that we should not be attached to fruits (of our action). Newton had an unfortunate encounter with an apple (some people wish it was a coconut), and he came up with the three laws of motion. Captain Barbosa (from Pirates of the Carribean) always carried an apple with him.

As for my symbolism, I carry an ipod. Itz amaing how quickly your perception of the office decor can change if you listen to Roger Waters, even for an hour (Even the excel sheets get psychadelic).

Listening to music during office hours may not be professional, but it keeps me awake.

Correct Temperature Soup

What does goldilocks think of herself? She breaks into a strangers house, drink their soup, and is still complaining about the temperature of the soup. (Bart Simpson outsmarted her, he mixed the hot and cold soup, and drank it.)

When she was found sleeping in the baby bear's bed (apparently other beds were too big for her), she made another big mistake- she ran. Everyone knows we should never run when we see a bear. We should pretend that we are dead (not that we would be pretending for long). I guess that's why the story ended there.

By the end of 2008, we were introduced to the characters again. Goldilocks (bullion) and the three bears again (equity, debt and forex). When the bears were out, people made career decisions to sell gold. Now that gold is reaching new highs, I can safely say it was a huge mistake :P. No one has any clue how warm they wanted their soup.

Astrologers disagree. They call Earth, the Goldilocks planet- neither too hot, nor too cold). Perfect for existence of life. There is a quote in "The Simpsons" on a winter Sunday morning.

"Thanks to global warming, the weather is pleasant"

The training at Irevna has taught me a very important lesson- soups have no temperature.

Mastering laziness

Sir Homer simpsons said, "Anything that takes more than 12 steps isn't worth doing!"

Whats common between a saint and a lazy man? They spend their every waking moment to achieve nothingness or sunya. Israel Regardie wrote a book, lazy man's guide to relaxation (and I wonder why it was a small book with big fonts.) He explained how being lazy was not easy. Seinfeld agrees- "I am so busy doing nothing... that the idea of doing anything - which as you know, always leads to something - cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything. "

I gave laziness a chance at work. I tried pretending to work. I do not understand the concept of pretending to work. If I move my hands in a way it should move, while pretending to work, the work eventually gets down. Its frustrating at times.

I am still trying to master laziness.