My factual nightmare

Although this post might make me seem like a wanna-be, I have decided to risk it.

As a child I had a nightmare which is hard to describe. It would come to me when I would be alone, generally in the middle of the night. It was like the silence before the storm. Something would be moving so smoothly like itz almost evil. It would gain speed at an accelerating rate. It could not be controlled. Its like something would rise so big inside me that my limited self would be afraid of it. It’s like the fear of looking down from a height which is increasing exponentially every passing moment. A feel of getting away from everything that is familiar. The happenings would appear irreversible. Itz like a feel of being trapped in something uncomfortable with no perceptible escape. Like we are going deeper and deeper in the depths of the ocean with no sign of life. Like a lift that takes you under- towards our planetary centre. Something that is already bad is getting worse very smoothly and without any resistance. The walls would appear smooth in the dim lights only affirming this feel. The fan would form a rhythmic beat which would get in line with what was going inside me. Its like a soft whisper trying to seduce my mind into what appeared evil or unpleasant, nevertheless irresistible. Something would be closing in on my very fast. Its speed suggested that it should have already reached me, but somehow it wouldn’t but its speed kept on increasing. It was like a sleeping giant has been awoken very gently inside me, and itz too late to control him.

In those times, I failed to deny the feeling. They were as real to me as anything I can see, touch or hear physically. At that moment, it was to me- factual. All my capabilities of being self aware would be lost, loosing all control of everything. Everything collapsed in a strange sense of chaos. I was so lonely and afraid of myself.

Many years later, I had that feeling again, while doing twin heart meditating. I somehow knew what was going on inside my body. I got a sense of its source. From that day onwards the feeling never came back. Although I vaguely remember my nightmare, now, I cannot experience the feel of it.

All humbled, I see who lead me to my present.