An Earthling's quest for caffeine

In this Earthlife, even thinking about the size of this cosmic horizon of our perceivable universe within which the light doesn't escape makes my head spin.

Compare this huge endless vacuum of space stretching across millions of unknown galaxies to the distance from my office desk to the coffee machine.

I sometimes even get lazy to get up from my desk to get myself coffee. How can I carry the burden of this awareness and not feel insignificant. I feel like the grain of salt smashed further into pieces so small like its almost not there. A non-existent piece of hopeless design with no direction whatsoever solely because of the distance in this ever expanding universe.

I am glad I enjoy the taste of coffee.

Caterpillar problem and sudden movements!!!

We can never really see a mirror as what it reflects distracts us from its true texture. 

I had an idea- what if I could just climb on to the other side of the mirror. A multiverse of sorts. I would be more carefree as if things did not work out, I would climb into the next mirror. I had a fleeting sense this would defeat the purpose of my present life at some level - although I do not understand why. 

As I stared into the eyes, I felt I could may as well be the man behind the mirror. A force magnet making us all do things together with symmetric and geometric precision all the time- and the only way we can see each other is the mirror. So if both of us use our basic nature, previous experiences and current position (which is same for us so far) to carry out our free will, we will always keep on doing the same thing? This is the caterpillar problem- how to first introduce a butterfly effect? 

I tried some abrupt quick sudden movements.

An attempt catch my reflection off guard to glitch my reality, while brushing my teeth. 

The black in-between

I saw a sand castle and then I saw the sand next to it. They were like rainbow colors in the dark. A yellow plastic duck, melting in the sun.  

The twinkling star. Or the black in-between. 

All are same.

A penguin's violin

Our cosmos is leaking craziness.

Something is moving towards me. It accelerating very fast - all in the same one moment. It would have reached me if it will only stop coming towards me. This what I feel sometimes when I look up at the night sky trying to comprehend its vastness.

The stars have sucked all the brightness out of the black sky only to reach out to my consciousness though the eyes.

And what do I see?

A silent violin music being played by a penguin!!

The promise

I did something. Next day I did it again expecting a different result. I did not learn. The habit consumed the appearance. I was not the appearance but my thoughts were not self aware. Soft awareness could only whisper its lullaby to a flower  which is upside down and patient until its too late. The unconceived greater unpleasantness of time ticking until the water in the river exhausts into the ocean is buried under momentary happiness which the mind perceives real over that which will be revealed with self awareness one day.

Sitting at the crossroads, finding happiness in being delusional for the time being, before I take the path less traveled.

That promise is really my own.

  

What I do?

Someone exchanged his cow for a shiny objects. He kept the shiny object in a room and wrote it on a paper. He gave the paper to someone else. The paper was kept in another room very far away and its picture was given to someone else who gave it back to the man with the room full of papers and shiny objects with a promise that he would return it when required. Same picture was shown to 10 people and promise was made to deliver the picture when required. Now the promise of the picture could be transferred to others who in turn would promise ownership of more picture guarantees generated out of  lands (which they thought they own), steels and heavy machinery. The ownership promise is then bought and sold by many people and its value is determined by collective will of mankind. Someone then sold a promise to replicate this value in exchange for a fix amount gold text picture guarantee without exchanging the underlying promise.

Its a promise of cows and equity swaps.

I play along just fine. 

Piece of paper

I was at two places at the same time. I took a piece of paper and wrote 'reality' on it. Wind gathered around it and the paper blew in the air. Suspended as wind caught speed and and all things started flying towards it. Black hole was created and it sucked in everything within the fabric of my dream state including the black hole itself. I had no realm to be in, but still I was. Later I found myself conscious in this planetary existence. Simultaneously.

Did I really think up my being?

What is it that I find myself living.

Did I just think it all up? Is everything around an extention of my mind or is the perception of it my consciousness? Either ways, is there a point being made by having me find myself with thoughts.

Lets like really stop everything we are currently doing for a second and think. Like really really think-

"Why did the chicken cross the road?"

Throwing stuff at my sister

In my life I have thrown a range of stuff at my sister. Poked her with TV remote controls. Splashed wated on her face at selective occasions. May be, put chumki powder on her hair. But worst was yet to come.

The day my sister got married, a strange thing happened. They abruptly gave me a handful of puffed rice and insisted that I should throw it on my sister's face. I gave a look which said-

"Are you out of you freaking mind??? Does this seriously make sense to you??? Will this help in any way??? She is all dressed up. Wouldn't this mess up her hair?"

As I struggled to restrict the puffed rice within my palms, I glanced at my sister sitting surrounded by gallons of people, almost like sitting on a throne. She had no knowledge of what was about to happen. I had to inevitably throw it at her as I figured otherwise she couldn't get married.

Bottom line- marriage rituals are filled with abrupt and irrevelant sequence of events with no evident objective whatsoever. Unless you believe.

They just might randomly give you a leaf and uncooked rice and make you hold it for 5 minutes.

I like to think that the leaf I would be holding in my hand might somehow make amendments in my star and can influence due course of my future life. I refuse to distinguish the marriage rituals from regular acts of life judging one to be more abrupt than the other.

Also, it sounds like fun. Atleast I will have something to do.

Easy steps to learn VBA programming

Steps to make learning VBA programming easy-

1. Do not shampoo your hair for a week
2. Grow a beard
3. Reduce on your social skills
4. Have a blank expression on your face
5. Wearing glasses would help
6. Reduce blinking rate by 40%
7. Speak in a silly voice
8. Have a response time of 3 seconds to everything happening around you

Even if you still don't learn VBA, you will atleast get a feel of it.

Missing out on stuff

There are too many stuff in the world. I am only one person. I can only be at one place at a time. But what about all other places other than the place I am currently in? While I am doing one thing, I am missing out on all other stuff I am not doing. Thats why I have decided to multi task. Thats why I have decided to live a life of two, or more.

Something

I wrote something. Read it. Re-read it. Then I scribbled on it, taring the page in an ugly fashion. My idea was a contaminated piece of paper.

Searching for a 'pause button'

What do you do when you find that life is getting ahead of you?

As a situation unfolds, it triggers off multiple events almost instantly in all directions and you find yourself pre-occupied, almost too pre-occupied to take some mental time out to realise the happening. Itz like attending to a flow of continous circumstances without giving any of them concentrated thought.

You search for a pause button, just to take stock of things.

You ask yourself -"Is this really happening, like really really!!!" Thats when the pre-occupation gets the better of you.

It seems easier to let go. As I surrender to the circumstances with unquestionable faith in destiny, all my previous prayers ring in my head calling me to faith and trust.

In the midst of all this somewhere I know, that in distant time I will look back at 'now' and be grateful. Something not sure what- looks very promising and bright.

Not sure if I could do better, if I was in control.

May be a lover but ain't no dancer

Is dancing a function of destiny?

One would not dance unless the immediate previous circumstances would have lead him/her to a situation where he/she dances. Now this may not be specific to dancing, but it certainly also does apply to it.

As the destiny forces it on us, we are left with a choice. We can either resist it or give in. For our decision we refer to the society for concluding the possible outcomes and itz implications on our personality. But the dance will continue till we learn to find it in our heart and move our body as directed by it. Till destiny is concluded by love.

For now the music continous-

"When I get to the bottom I go back to the top of the slide
Where I stop and I turn and I go for a ride
Till I get to the bottom and I see you again"

Helter Skelter.

I like to believe in the stars

I like to believe in the stars.

I like to believe that there is logic in the arrangement of stars that govern the life of each and every planetary being walking.

I like to believe that on Earth which is like a spec of dust compared to the inter-galactic existence, nothing I do is wasted.

I like to believe that each day of my life is added up at night and itz essence becomes a part of me which my soul carries towards the light at the end of the tunnel.

I like to believe that someone watches as a dry leaf is blown away by the gentle breeze of the night.

I like to believe that the sun shines only for me.

I like to believe that I am not unnoticed.

The unplucked tree

The unplucked trees waits for me, but will the forests accept me?

Would the inter-related eco-systematic existence of the self dependent jungle accept an interruption of an outside element- raw and exposed? Would we be punished by thorns, thirst and the very human fatigue for challenging the equilibrium of the virgin terrains exposing our mortal form in the hands of nature? More importantly- who would win?

With these queries I accompanied my friends from Chennai Trekking Cub (CTC) to start the year 2011 by trekkin in the forests of Elephant Valley- North-West of Tamil Nadu.

It is not about the distance one can trek, but the distance one can't and then trekking that. As we progressed, the forest remained untouched but the victory was in our minds.

Looking down from the mountain top struggling to breathe is something we can take back to our day-to-day life where more often than not we give into situations without a fight.

In the shades of the unplucked tree, I feel more equiped to face the sun.

I Fear Nothing!

I want to raise my left hand up and shout "PENGUINS" in a room full of educated people, but I fear of being not-contextual.

I fear the next thing which I might do, may not meet social standards. I fear the next thing which I say may not be in line with the expected. I fear the collective will of people. Therefore I retreat to the little flame that burns in my heart and block all that would define what I could have been. My infinite potentials hide behind my fear. I don't fear my shortcommings, but the great power that lies hidden in me.

I fear the powers that could be awakened in me.

I fear my possibilities.

I fear myself.

I fear knowing my physical self, I might not get to be lazy. I fear knowing my emotion, I might be rendered incapable of feelings. I fear knowing my mind, I might be incaple of ignorance. I fear knowing my soul, I might loose all my belongings. I fear knowing the delusive maya, I might loose myself. I fear waking up one morning, and finding nothing.

I don't fear my shortcommings, I fear nothing.

As long as the candle burns

Somewhere, it burns as a proof of our life.

The fire that provides stimulation to even the faintest efforts in this creation- constantly creating stuff out of absolute emptiness.

If the only thing truly complete is the sum-total of all there is, then this aspect of addition is the fire which adds one thing at a resulting in the stuff ranging from a slightest movements of air squeezing in and out through my nostrills to the intergalactic dance of heavenly bodies.

Its the flame that doesn't burn in time or space, but defines it. It burns in a secret location of our minds.

Choice of words dilemma

Not sure how to start this post.

Words loose meaning every second in this dynamic environment putting forward many challenges of grammar and correct usage of words.

As I aimlessly ventured to return to my work place, I encountered my office mate-

"did you come down for lunch? aaaghh..... did you go down for lunch? not sure which one is gramatically correct right now!"

We were in the elevator.

Life is not a measure of central tendency

I had a very interesting conversation with my friend-

Friend: How was your day at work?
Me: Average
Friend: huh?
Me: Look, if you add all the days I have worked and divide it by the number of days. Thats how my day was.
Friend: But......thats one....

Thats when it hit me. If I was to assign my life a number, atleast it should be plural. (Right now I am very tempted to pun on measured of central tendency like- 'Blog posts are a good MEANs to express when one is in an expressive MODE', but I will not).

Where does it end? If I try to move ahead of average, it would in turn increase my average, bringing me back to where I start.

Itz a fundamental mistake in the mathematical and physical laws of the universe- measures of central tendency including the entire number system and all calculation can only point to a relative truth.

Thats why I need a steeper graph.